Category: Humor

Honestly, I’m not THAT depressed…

Nonetheless, I did spend part of my weekend composing suicide notes for the time-challenged self-annihilator.

* Sorry to leave you such a mess. But you have my word that I won’t do it again!
* Don’t be so surprised — You know how impatient I was!
* Turn out the light, and then, turn out the light.
* Yes, it _was_ all your fault!
* Hey, look! I finally found the _Undo_ command!
* If you _must_ throw dead stuff on my grave, don’t throw flowers. Throw bacon!
* At least Death is willing to accept me for who I am.
* Hah! Didn’t think you’d have to write that eulogy so soon, did you?
* Yes, I did this just so you’d have to take that black suit to the dry cleaners.
* Can you hear me now?

The Social Curmudgeon

Posted on Twitter today: When Twitter emails me with suggestions for whom to follow, I want to write back, “I’ll do my OWN stalking, thank you!!”

Posted on Facebook today: Facebook keeps encouraging me for my contacts in order to add more friends. It’s like a tar pit with a megaphone asking for more victims: “Toss me another mastodon: I’m STILL HUNGRY!!”

Posted on Google+ today: When Google+ encourages me to add more people to my circles, I want to shout back, “Who the hell do you think I am? Dante!?!?”

 

Pilot Season

I was reading an article in TV Guide (the paper edition) about “pilot season,” the most wonderful time of year in show-biz when hopeful TV producers pitch pilots for pick-up by one of the five networks. The article said that the “shows that continue to influence network execs the most are two of the top ratings-grabbers currently on TV: AMC’s The Walking Dead and ABC’s Modern Family.” So I immediately thought a sure-fire hit pilot would have to be Walking Modern Dead Family.

At the end of the article I learned ABC had beaten me to it with the pilot for The Returned in which “dead loved ones are suddenly alive again.”

That woody flavor you detect is from the scrapings you get at the bottom of the barrel.

35 Years Ago Today

Begun, the potato-chip wars had…

Inspired by the then recently published Lazlo Letters, I thought to try my hand at the game, and wrote to Procter & Gamble (using my Aaron Yodar pseudonym) with a modest request. Though it took P&G years to fulfill my request, it seems that, once the floodgates of “new flavor variations” finally did open, abominations like the Candy Cane Pringle were the eventual result. If only I had known.

For your pleasure, here’s the (not e)mail exchange:

The Pringle Letters

Getting the Book Invented Properly

In 1992, Douglas Adams’ Complete Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was one of the original three Voyager Expanded Books published. A big Mac fan, and a Voyager fan as well, Adams wrote and recorded a short promotional audio for the floppy-disk-based ebook series. Here, in all of its crunchy 8-bit-audio glory, is that recording, Getting the Book Invented Properly.

Bonus: the Literary Platform site recently held a competition for animations to accompany the recording. The entries are here.