What your coffee knew in March 2022
March 31
The Motion Picture Production Code was instituted on this date in 1930.
Your coffee wants a musical comedy full of pointed profanity, licentious nudity, and scenes of actual childbirth.
March 30
On this date in 1861, Sir William Crookes published his discovery of the element thallium.
Your coffee wants a safer rat poison.
March 29
British Prime Minister Theresa May invoked Article 50 of the Treaty on European Union, beginning the process of Brexit, on this date in 2017.
Your coffee wants a do-over.
March 28
On this date in 193, Rome’s Praetorian Guard auctioned off the Imperial throne to Didius Julianus.
Your coffee needs one more emperor to make an Imperial six-pack.
March 25
Today is Tolkien Reading Day.
Your coffee has been there and back again.
March 24
A lorry carrying flour and margarine caught fire in the Mount Blanc Tunnel on this date in 1999.
Your coffee wants a bake-off that doesn’t involve fatalities.
March 23
On this date in 1801, Tsar Paul I of Russia was stabbed, strangled, and trampled to death in his own bedroom.
Your coffee wants a kinder gentler turndown service.
March 22
The United States Congress overrode President Reagan’s veto of the Civil Rights Restoration Act of 1987 on this date in 1988.
Your coffee wants to restore civil behavior to the Congress.
March 21
On this date in 1800, Pope Pius VII wore a papier-mâché tiara at his coronation.
Your coffee wants to give a replica to Amy Farrah Fowler.
March 18
Saturn’s moon Phoebe became the first planetary moon to be discovered photographically on this date in 1899.
Your coffee wants to be discovered in a shot of espresso.
March 17
On this date in 1337, Edward, the “Black Prince,” was made Duke of Cornwall.
Your coffee is the Black Prince of beverages.
March 16
Neil Armstrong made his first trip to space on this date in 1966.
Your coffee wants a properly functioning Orbit Attitude and Maneuvering System.
March 15
On this date in 1964, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton married in Montreal.
Your coffee wants to be swaggering and vulgar.
March 14
The naming ceremony for element 113, nihonium, was held in Tokyo on this date in 2017.
Your coffee wants a longer half-life.
March 11
On this date in 1851, Verdi’s opera “Rigoletto” was first performed.
Your coffee wants to be a Duke’s wingman.
March 10
The French Foreign Legion was created on this date in 1831.
Your coffee wants to see “The Last Remake of Beau Geste.”
March 9
On this date in 2011, the space shuttle Discovery concluded its 39th and final mission.
Your coffee, for one, welcomes our new Robonaut overlords.
March 8
After more than 40 years, Iceland’s parliament, the Alþingi, was reinstated on this date in 1843.
Your coffee wants to be all things to all beverage drinkers.
March 7
On this date in 1908, Cincinnati Mayor Mark Breith told the City Council that “women are not physically fit to operate automobiles.”
Your coffee wants to yank the crank of a Model-T.
March 4
The Russian Vega-1 space probe took the first close-up pictures of Halley’s Comet on this date in 1986.
Your coffee wants to give you a gravity assist.
March 3
On this date in 1918, the Russian government signed the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk, which, among other things, recognized the independence of Ukraine.
Your coffee firmly believes you can’t be Putin the toothpaste back in the tube.
March 2
The Martha Washington Hotel, the first women’s only hotel in New York City, opened on this date in 1903.
Your coffee wants a server who looks like Veronica Lake.
March 1
On this date in 1974, a grand jury indicted seven members of the Nixon Administration for conspiring to hinder the Watergate investigation.
Your coffee provides an 18½ minute gap between servings.