What your coffee knew in January 2019.
January 31
Ham the Chimp became the first non-human hominid launched into space on this date in 1961.
Your coffee knew him when he was Chop Chop Chang.
January 30
On this date in 1958, Yves Saint Laurent held his first major Paris fashion show.
Your coffee wants a trapeze dress.
January 29
Charles Curtis of Kansas became the first native-American to become a United States Senator on this date in 1907.
Your coffee wants to fund a wall to keep out undocumented European immigrants.
January 28
On this date in 1985, the song “We Are the World” was recorded in support of Ethiopian famine relief efforts.
Your coffee wants to make a brighter day.
January 25
Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson inaugurated the first transcontinental telephone service in the United States on this date in 1915.
Your coffee wants an iPhone X🅂 with an unlimited data plan.
January 24
On this date in 1985, Penny Harrington became the first female police chief of a major U.S. city.
Your coffee wants a non-hostile workplace.
January 23
Elizabeth Blackwell became the first woman in the United States to receive a medical degree on this date in 1849.
Your coffee wants to, first, do no harm.
January 22
On this date in 1992, Dr. Roberta Bondar, flying aboard the Space Shuttle Discovery, became the first neurologist in space.
Your coffee wants neuroscientist Dr. Mayim Bialik to visit the ISS dressed as Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
January 21
Jefferson Davis resigned from the U.S. Senate on this date in 1861.
Your coffee wants Mitch McConnell to take a hint.
January 18
On this date in 1943, the sale of pre-sliced bread by commercial bakers was banned in the United States.
Your coffee wants to make a toast.
January 17
Eleven thieves stole $2.775 million from the Brink’s Building in Boston on this date in 1950.
Your coffee wants an armored debit card.
January 16
On this date in 1945, Adolf Hitler moved into his underground bunker in Berlin.
Your coffee is still waiting for Steiner’s assault.
January 15
The Who released their first single, “I Can’t Explain,” in England on this date in 1965.
Your coffee is gettin’ funny dreams again and again.
January 14
On this date in 1741, Benedict Arnold was born.
Your coffee wants the notes from his meeting with Putin.
January 11
The first life insurance company in what was to become the United States was incorporated on this date in 1759.
Your coffee is a premium blend.
January 10
On this date in 1920, the Treaty of Versailles went into effect, officially ending World War I.
Your coffee wants no more wars to end all wars, because that strategy never seems to work.
January 9
Byzantine Emperor Zeno was forced to flee Constantinople on this date in 475.
Your coffee wants no half measures.
January 8
On this date in 2002, U.S. President George W. Bush signed the No Child Left Behind Act.
Your coffee wants Congress to pass the No Childish President Left in Office Act.
January 7
The first international radio distress signal, CQD, was introduced on this date in 1904.
Your coffee wants something easier to spell than “CQD”.
January 4
On this date in 1649, the Rump Parliament voted to put English monarch Charles I on trial.
Your coffee wants the House of Representatives to get off their derrières and vote articles of impeachment.
January 3
The final original daily “Peanuts” comic strip was published on this date in 2000.
Your coffee wants to kick a football into the kite-eating tree.
January 2
On this date in 1959, the Soviet Union launched Luna 1, the first spacecraft to reach the vicinity of the Moon.
Your coffee wants a circle round the Sun.
January 1
The United States banned the import of slaves on this date in 1808.
Your coffee wants to be served by a well-paid servitor who has health benefits and a pension plan.